Master Your Thinking by Alexander Parker

Author:Alexander Parker [Parker, Alexander]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-04-19T04:00:00+00:00

Examination: take a harsher eye to the things you think, negatively. The more negative the thought that pops up in your head, the more scrutiny it should fall under. The idea here is to make it emotionally more taxing on you to have a negative thought than it is to have a positive one, whereas before often people who have those kinds of thoughts would simply let them pass as normal. The goal is to make the association between mental scrutinies and having those negative thoughts in the first place so that having those thoughts becomes more trouble than its worth, and the thought becomes less and less frequent.

Scrutinizing your double-standard: ask yourself whether you would think the things about others who are similar to you that you do about yourself. Understand that the negative thoughts you have about yourself and your worth are abnormal and harmful to yourself and your mental state. Compare yourself to others in a way that would make you empathize with yourself instead of blindly attacking yourself out of habit. This method is made mainly for those who suffer most with a thinking trap that involves very harsh self-criticism, such as the “black and white” thinker or the “mind reader” type. Learning to separate the thoughts you have about yourself from reality will help you to be able to empathize with yourself and be just a bit kinder to yourself in the future.

Surveying peers and equals—this type works well especially for the “should have, could have, would have” type of thinking trap. This method involves noting whenever you have an intrusive thought as to whether or not your thoughts and actions are good enough for you. Then, after noting the thought, going around to those who you feel don’t have your problems and asking them about what you’re having trouble with. For example, if someone is having trouble with a child or with a particular type of assignment for work, they might think to themselves “good parents/better workers can’t have this kind of problem! Because I have this problem, I’m not a good worker/parent.” However, it’s very often that the opposite entirely is true. Usually, when you ask others who you view as the epitome of what you strive to be, or feel you are lacking in comparison to, what they actually think of your situation or how they really stack up compared to you, you’ll likely be surprised by the results—because, more often than not, you’re the one who’s deluded into thinking that you don’t stand a chance against others, or that you pale in comparison to them. Understand that everyone undergoes almost the exact same struggles. Everyone is different, but most people are able to connect through the experiences they have to endure. Keep this in mind when you have a thought that sounds something like “I’m not as good as this person or that person”, because it’s highly likely that they are actually the ones who struggle, just like you. You have much more in common with your peers than you probably figure.

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